i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
