i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize