Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
