Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
