I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
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Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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