God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
