Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
