I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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