Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
