Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
