when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
