I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
