Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize