2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
