The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
