to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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