Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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