woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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