I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
