Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
