Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dicks are not precious.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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