me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
