Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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