A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I party with great urgency now.
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