I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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