can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
