Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
