I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
