I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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