She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
