Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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