i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
