i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
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we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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