okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
