Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
