You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
