i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
