Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
