i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
