where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
