I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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