He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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