I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
