just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize