don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This house was built for laser tag.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
