Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
