So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
MIDGETS
????
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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