The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
