Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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