I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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