sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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