Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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