I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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