You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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