Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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