A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
