I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
