he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
