my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
