i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
