don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
