remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
