Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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