Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize