remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize