i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
