smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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