Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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