Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize