i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
