I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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