Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
