This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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